There’s always some foolishness involved somewhere. No matter how good you’ve tried to be or how well you’ve tried to straighten your priorities, there’s always something.

 

For instance, I took an entire year to focus on me and my life’s work. No relationships for me. The last one gave the impression that he cared, but he wandered about his life aimlessly and, well, I was trying to steady my aim. The one before him was only meant for fun, but then he started to become affectionate. Then I learned, unwillingly, that he was lying to me about things I had not asked about. Before him, I was interested and so was he, but he wanted to take ownership of me though he’d go weeks without returning my calls.

 

I’d had enough! I was still on strike until the day He walked in. A few weeks later he said he loved me. It would be all well and good if his female roommate didn’t exist. Hey, at least he told me about her, right? 

 

I love how intimate our time is together. The laughs, the closeness is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. However, there’s a huge cloud that looms and I simply cannot. Cannot what?

 

He’s shared some of that intimacy with her at some point, I know. Do they still share it? The arrangement is for financial purposes, I know, but I. Just. Can. Not.

 

Regardless of how often he says it, I. Can. Not.

 

I wish I could believe him, but I. Can. Not.

 

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© LeTara Moore, 2017

Doubt

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